We’ve all seen it or even done it (worse yet). Someone at work says something very subtle but highly undermining about another employee. A mom at your child’s school makes a snide, cutting remark about another mom, or worse yet, a child. Someone in your church group is passing unfounded, unsubstantiated gossip about another church member. A “friend” starts a new business and you say something like “Well, I hope they succeed. They sure don’t know much about running a business.” You see a stranger juggling three small, slightly unruly children and a wayward grocery cart as they make their way to their car and you keep walking and think silently “who’s stupid enough to have that many kids?” You see the disabled grocery bagger in the store and you avoid their line as you don’t want “them” slowing you down. A family member is struggling but you turn your back on them because you don’t have time to deal with “more of their drama.” The senior citizen in your neighborhood has allowed their yard to become overgrown and you write a letter of complaint to the homeowners association.
You get my point. You know exactly what I’m referring to. Each of us has either been a participant in this or a silent witness to it. I am sure when you read the statements above at least one of them hit home or at the very least made you cringe. And it should! Shame on all of us for becoming immune to the needs of our fellow humans. It’s as if we are becoming inoculated with and subscribing to an insular and isolated way of life that will surely undermine us all. “We” are all we have. We are the future and we are the catalyst for change and hope. (And no, this is not a political statement.)
There is no point and clearly no value in behaviors like this. Statements such as this are meant to hurt and undermine others and in reality, are made out of insecurity and an emotional void. We are, unfortunately, becoming a society in which these statements and actions are accepted as the norm and are expected and unchallenged. The toxic rate at which people undermine each other, negatively support each other, and fail to honor another persons viewpoint is rapidly escalating.
So what’s my point if you ask? Well my point is simply this. We are all in this thing called life together. None of us are perfect nor is the process. I think we can universally agree that none of us can do this alone. (And if you’re the one person reading that thinks they can, please stop reading now. Nothing I say will impact you.) So the next time you hear someone making a statement which undermines someone else, the next time you yourself hear toxic words coming out of your mouth, the next time you turn away from somebody because their lifestyle, choices or disability makes you uncomfortable, make a conscious choice to make a difference. Speak up for the person who can’t speak for themselves, say something genuinely positive, look around at your family, friends, and neighbors and genuinely see where you may add value in small ways and in big ways. The way you show up has an innate and unalterable ability to impact everyone you come in contact with every minute of every day. Show up, stand up, and be your best self while supporting others. You never know when you will be the “other” who needs the support.